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Joke of the Day

"Irish girl What does an Irish girl do after she's sucked cock? Spits out the feathers."

"What did the double hand amputee get for Christmas? I don't know, he hasn't managed to open it yet."

"The sign at this gas station says ""turn engine off"" so I catcalled my engine and its cute friend from across the street."

"The job interviewer asked about my previous experience. ""Well,"" I began, ""I got the bus. Got lost for a while, walked down some narrow roads and I ended up here."""

"Me: my best friend is my wife Everyone: awwww My Best Friend Carl: FOR THE LAST TIME, I AM NOT YOUR WIFE"

"BABY FROZEN STEAK: mommy is he coming back MOM STEAK: no honeyget some sleep [rocky walks into the freezer] ROCKY: time to punch some meats"

"Tried Turkish food today... It was revolting"

"hi rappers i have been shaking dat ass all night and i am exhausted can you make a song about sitting and watching tv at a reasonable volume"

"Hey, Dude who flips me off for honking at him in the parking lot, your groceries are on top of your car."

"On Monday nights, I give my plants the pleasure of a striptease show by watering them with ice cubes."