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Joke of the Day

"At this wedding, the DJ played The Black Eyed Peas, everyone left the dance floor. I like these people."

"*pulls fire alarm in apt building* *everyone runs outside* [Me on megaphone]IVE GATHERED U HERE B/C SOME OF U STILL HAVE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS UP"

"Just back from the zoo. Saw a slice of toast lying in one of the enclosures. It was bread in captivity."

"Whether you are a pile of rubble or dust in the wind... ...depends on how you were razed."

"Did you hear about the kidnapping recently? The goatherd woke him up."

"Pregnant elephant Q: What's more difficult than getting a pregnant elephant in a VW bug? A: Getting an elephant pregnant in a VW bug."

"I like bald eagles. They taste almost just like baby seals."

"If u ask me to baby sit 3 and at d end of d day can find only 1, dat is not a reflection on me as a babysitter.i was nevr gud at maths"

"How do you make a dog meow? Put it in the freezer for three days. Run it through a bandsaw. Meoooooow."

"What do you call Watson when Sherlock isn't around? Holmeless"