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Joke of the Day

"Pregnant elephant Q: What's more difficult than getting a pregnant elephant in a VW bug? A: Getting an elephant pregnant in a VW bug."

"Have you ever been camping with a guy who has uncontrollable diarrhea? Shit's intense."

"I'm never mean to a girl in glasses, because she will most likely turn out to be hot and popular by the end of the movie."

"*early humans discovering sleepiness* noooo!! what is this, im shutting down? dying??? *waking up later* wow, i love that. gonna do it a lot"

"HR said it's not necessary but I like my sickness to be taken seriously by having my mom send in an email validating my degree of sickness"

"What company makes the best fireworks? Spacex"

"[Safari hunt] (Ok don't tell them I'm an elephant) *Adjusts hat and shades* ""Elephant?. Yes that way."" *Points with trunk*"

"I've been dying to see Age of Ultron But then I just googled ""How old is Ultron"" and found out he's 47. Saved me $10."

"*moves heaven & earth for her* *moves more left *more left *little right *little more right *moves heaven & earth back to original spot*"

"That picture of yourself that you hate now will look better than the best possible picture of you in five years."