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Joke of the Day

"How do you make a dog meow? Put it in the freezer for three days. Run it through a bandsaw. Meoooooow."

"What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection? A quarter pounder with cheese."

"What did the pirate say when he turned 80? Aye matey"

"I'd hate to play baseball with the witches from Macbeth. Because I don't like playing baseball with girls."

"What is a polygon ? A dead parrot !"

"Why are librarians so shy? Their occupation makes them very shelf conscious."

"The awkward moment your phone does a stupid auto correct... And makes everyone think you're refrigerator"

"They should call Jupiter JEWpiter Because its a gas planet."

"I'll take two glasses of lemonade please... ...said the man. But hold the ""ades"". Waitress: So you just want two lemons? Man: No, I just don't want AIDS."

"So a guy walks into a bar where Eminem is the bartender Guy: Two shots please Eminem: You only get one shot"