184513

Joke of the Day

"*pulls fire alarm in apt building* *everyone runs outside* [Me on megaphone]IVE GATHERED U HERE B/C SOME OF U STILL HAVE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS UP"

"Why does LeVar Burton not like to travel by airplane? He usually flies twice as high."

"Pacquiao wanted the fight to take place in the Philippines, but Mayweather insisted on Las Vegas. I guess he likes his venues just like he likes his violence...Domestic."

"Do you know what your pimples do while you're asleep? Nothing really, the just zit there."

"How does a Trumpie become a smooth talker? Takes a laxative."

"How many times can you subtract the number 5 from 25? Only once, and then you are subtracting it from 20."

"Why can't bicycles stand up on their own? Because they're two tired!"

"Paris Hilton should make a sex tape with 2 black guys and call it NIGGAS IN PARIS!"

"Its weird how your entire day flashes before your eyes the moment you realize that your zipper has been down and you haven't pissed in 8 hrs"

"I love walking on the beach with my girlfriend. Until the LSD wears off and I'm just dragging a stolen mannequin around a car park."