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Joke of the Day

"Why are libraries so strict? Because they have to go by the book."

"DATE: so...this is your place? ME: yea...not fancy but it suits me. *opens flap of bouncy house* oh, also do you mind taking off your shoes"

"I eat my tacos over a Tortilla. That way when stuff falls out, BOOM, another taco."

"I just finished deadlifting 1000 pounds off the ground. For you Americans, that's 1275 dollars. It's my most expensive lift to date."

"50 shades - only romantic because the guy is a billionaire. If he lived in a trailer, it would be another episode of criminal minds"

"This salad isn't going to toss itself. *winks* - Things you shouldn't say as you pass food around the Thanksgiving table :("

"How does Sean Connery shave? Control + S"

"[OC]What do you call a shrunken walrus? A smallrus."

"Why are Russians so heartless? Because organ traders offer good price."

"Guy gets into a car wreck with a midget driver Midget steps out of his car, walks over to the other guy with a scowl and states, ""I'm not happy."" Guy responds. ""So which one are you?"""