201936

Joke of the Day

"This salad isn't going to toss itself. *winks* - Things you shouldn't say as you pass food around the Thanksgiving table :("

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"""Use a spongebob quote to describe your sex life"" ""Are you ready kids?"""
"What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians? a drummer ..."
"""Boys don't make passes at girls who wear glasses"" -I remind myself as I flirt with the fire extinguisher I've mistaken for a cute guy"
"You don't really know what's pain in the ass until.. ...you've had a hemorrhoid."
"What do you call a lazy lizard? A procrastigator."
"Blow job vs. Mount Everest What does getting a blow job from a 70 year old woman and jumping down from Mount Everest have in common? You don't dare to look down, but you feel the rush."
"I wish I had never wished for that. ""Done. You're back to 2 wishes."""
"I hadn't been laid in a long time, so I slipped a girl a roofie at a bar. She still wouldn't have sex with me, she just wanted to sleep."
"She asked me to buy Tampons so I bought Kotex, because that one time I wanted ice cream and she bought frozen yogurt."