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Joke of the Day

"Why did the chicken cross the road? To push Jake off a cliff.... he really hates Jake. as told by my 6 year old who hates a kid named Jake."

"I got a hundred dollar bill tattooed on my dick So my wife can blow all the money she wants"

"My girlfriend asked me how much we would spend at our wedding. Me: I don't want to spend very much. Her: I want it to be a ten thousand dollar wedding. Me: Okay, so you, can do that then."

"""Your lifeguard resume is just a pic of David Hasselhoff"" I feel it says all u need to know about me ""He's drunk with a cheeseburger"" Yes"

"I just found out that my blood type is B negative. That's the worst one. My day is ruined."

"Him: You'll always be the one that got away. Me: Escaped. Him: What? Me: I said Thanks."

"Gender is like a dead Jew. Before we know it, there'll be six million of them."

"What is the best place to hide a dead body? On the second page of google."

"My wife Googled ""how responsible does a 10yr old need to be to stay at home without a babysitter"" and now she won't let me stay home alone."

"*Breaks glass to steal Mona Lisa* You crazy? Security will hear us Security: HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON UP THERE? NOTHING Security: ALRIGHT"