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Joke of the Day

"I went to a record store today. They advertised that they had hard-to-find records nothing was alphabetized."

"Butt weight. There's more!"

"Did you hear about the houses that fell in love? They had a lawn-distance relationship."

"I want to have 3 kids and name them Ctrl, Alt, and Delete. That way when they fuck up, I can hit them all at once."

"""So, do you play any instruments?"" Me: *slaps knees for 30 minutes straight without breaking eye contact*"

"What's a dentist's favorite time of day? Tooth-hurty I'll show myself out"

"What do you call a Sandwich with legs? Bready Legs"

"A guy once told me that his favorite pastime was calculating averages. I asked him, ""What do you mean?"""

"How do you get a black guy out of a tree? Cut the rope!"

"I saw a front page post today about a woman who hasn't experienced a period in 15 years. That's one long sentence."