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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a Sandwich with legs? Bready Legs"

"TORTURER: I'm gonna water-board u ME: Hahaha, where u gonna find enough water TORTURER: *takes Tupperware out of the dishwasher* ME: Oh shit"

"Viagra Tea Does nothing for your sexual vigour, but stops your biscuit going soft."

"Why don't house painters wear wedding rings on the job? Nobody wants to marry an underemployed alcoholic."

"Why can't animals take tests? Too many cheetahs!!!!"

"""Stop anthropomorphising me, bitch""- my cat, while i'm writing this."

"Prince: ""The slipper fits! You're the girl I met!"" Girl: ""I wasn't even at the ball. This is a common shoe size."" Prince: ""YOU'RE THE GIRL!"""

"""So, why do you want to be a veterinarian?"" [pictures an army of cyborg dogs with laser eyes and jet packs] ...I love to help animals."

"On Canada Day, I like to say ""HAPPY CANADA DAY!"" to people. But quietly. And from a distance. I don't want to be a bother."

"I'm sick of people knocking on my door, begging. There's just been a woman asking for donations for a sperm bank........ I gave her a right fcuking mouthful."