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Joke of the Day
"Butt weight. There's more!"
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"So Dolly Parton bought the supermarket franchises Big Lots, Harris Teeters, and Piggly Wiggly... She's calling it Big Wiggly Teeters."
"What do you get when you sit on a potato? A potato wedge! (I made this up when I was 9)"
"My mate Dave's just got back from his third tour of Afghanistan. Hardest bloody bus driver I know."
"I asked a magician, ""Can you pull a rabbit out of a hat?"" ""No, but I can pull a hare out of my ass"" - (More effective told out loud) :P"
"Top three reasons he doesn't text you back: 1. He's just not that into you 2. He's imaginary 3. He's a cat"
"Boss Like Diaper A Boss is like a diaper, always on your ass and usually full of shit"
"[tells friend cat passed away] Is there anything I can do? Yes [holds up fur coat] put this on & lie in my lap But I- [starts crying] OK OK"
"Which 20th century President's wife looked like she could have been LGBT? Eleanor Brucevelt."
"What do you call Q: what do you call a gay goat? A: a Faggoat"