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Joke of the Day

"If I throw my son a baseball, he drops it. A football, he fumbles. But if I toss him a cell phone, my man has a sick one handed, no look."

"Reddit repost"

"What do you call a Muslim with a piece of ham on his head Hamed... What do you call one with two pieces of ham on his head Morhamed"

"Stressed? Try this: Picture a lake at dawn. Ducks beginning to stir... Then drink 22 beers & drive your car into a church."

"""I thought that too, but I didn't say it out loud, because I'm not a racist."" - a racist"

"Why don't we elect fat presidents any more? Because they don't run."

"What do you call Jewish folk from New Jersey? Orange juice."

"I'd complain about the bathroom smelling like pine, but I'm sure it's better than whatever smell the pine is covering up."

"Ladies. Even the most mundane chore is better in a Princess Leia costume."

"I caught my SO putting plastic utensils in the waffle iron. I yelled,""What are you doing?! That will ruin it!"" She replies,""Yesterday you told me to lego your eggos. Make up your mind already!"""