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Joke of the Day

"I caught my SO putting plastic utensils in the waffle iron. I yelled,""What are you doing?! That will ruin it!"" She replies,""Yesterday you told me to lego your eggos. Make up your mind already!"""

"What's the difference between a contradiction and a punchline? There's no punchline for this joke."

"An atheist, a Crossfitter, and a vegan walk into a bar. I know because they posted it repeatedly on Facebook."

"Are knee pads... ... the perfect gift, for givers?"

"""Ok. Breathe. Retrace your steps. You went to the beach, carried that dude, stopped for Quizno's, got your hair cut..."" -God loses his keys"

"Two fish in a tank. [x-post from r/Jokes] One asks: How do you drive this thing?"

"""Hey Siri, what's your favorite 'Friends' quote?"" ""I'm very bendy"""

"I've made 20,000 tweets. And I've never tried to sell you anything except the idea that tampon jokes are funny."

"What's the difference between three black guys and a joke? Your mom can't take a joke."

"What do you call the act of lying about Penis size? A Phallacy"