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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a lentil and a chickpea? I've never begged to have a lentil on my face"

"What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror? Haloumi!"

"Don't say ""lets get weird"" on our date then get freaked out I'm dressed in Forever 21 and holding your cousin hostage."

"Why is saying "" I'm sorry"" and ""I apologize"" mean the same thing... ...unless your at a funeral."

"[Enter Password] drapes [Re-enter Password] carpet [Error: Passwords must match]"

"The Artist Formally Known As... Alive."

"""All the single ladies... All the single ladies... All the single ladies..."" - list of girls who wouldn't talk to me in high school"

"[breakfast table] Me: Who killed the entire box of Lucky Charms? 8: Not me 9: Not me CEREAL KILLER: Not me either"

"What do you call a sleeping prisoner? Under a-rest."

"It is rude to start a Twitter account and not state within 48 hours that you want to see what all the fuss is about."