6908

Joke of the Day

"Jesus spoke to me yesterday... But I don't like talking to my roofers, so I had his brother Juan tell him not to do that in the future."

"What did the dog say when he sat on sand paper? Ruff"

"A penny fell out of my pocket So I left it thinking ""I just raised their property value."""

"FYI: You can't make rose by running red wine through a Brita filter."

"My wife has been helping my neighbor hook up his VCR for 3 hours now. Starting to get suspicious... What kind of monster still has a VCR?"

"I would really love to see how Michaelangelo managed to paint that ceiling with his nunchucks."

"A cat walks into the bar and asks for a glass of water. The bartender responds: '' Are you going to drink it or just knock it over on purpose?''"

"I was cleaning one of my finger guns and accidentally blew a hole through my air guitar."

"Did you guys read about the fence that got knocked over this morning? Dont worry, it'll probably be reposted before the weekend is up."

"I'm staying at a hotel w/ a 'hotel dog' that guests can walk & pet. Which is 1. adorable and 2. proof that the gov't can access my dreams."