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Joke of the Day

"I'm staying at a hotel w/ a 'hotel dog' that guests can walk & pet. Which is 1. adorable and 2. proof that the gov't can access my dreams."

"Why did the neckbeard become a doctor? He sure knows how to treat M'aladies"

"nudist camp for intellectuals 2 people at a nudist camp for intellectuals, one says to the other ""have you read Marx?"" The 2nd say ""yes, because of these wicker chairs"""

"Never drink water while studying It'll dilute your concentration"

"[job interview] ""What's your biggest weakness?"" ""My honesty"" ""I don't think-"" ""I broke into ur house and made love to ur cat last night"""

"When a Jehovah Witness dies, Heaven turns off all the lights and pretends no one is home."

"When it comes to penis size I'm happy to report that I'm actually a little above average. Thank god for Asians."

"People say that all men think with their penises... Well if thats thats the case, I think BIG."

"I told the ambulance guys the wrong blood type for my ex Now she should understand what rejection feels like."

"Just updated my resume. Changed 'ambitious' to 'am-no-longer-bitious'."