68981

Joke of the Day

"A hipster's favorite frequency is 50,000 Hz You've probably never heard it"

"What do you call a rabbit with a bent dick? Fucks funny"

"I bet that Heimlich was just a perv who molested people from behind, and one time accidentally saved someone from choking."

"What is the best way to get called a ,""genius?"" ...by losing a billion dollars in business."

"When I die, I'm donating my body to Simons. I tell this to every Simon I meet. So far, they're not into it"

"Did you know Thailand has a military? It does a good job of separating the ladyboys from the ladymen."

"So I'm in a hotel and call the front desk saying, ""Hey! I gotta leak in the sink!"" The clerk says, ""Go ahead, the customer's always right..."" (Henny Youngman)"

"So my girlfriend caught me cheating Dunno what pisses her off more, that I cheated, or that I destroyed her daughters grave."

"If twitter isn't a drug then someone please explain to me why I sneak into the bathroom at work to use it."

"@BurgerKing I love the way all employees working the drive thru speak English as a 14th language. I just got a frog and an avocado."