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Joke of the Day

"If twitter isn't a drug then someone please explain to me why I sneak into the bathroom at work to use it."

"Why can't Stevie Wonder read? (offensive) Because he's black."

"The perfect kiss and the perfect high five are indistinguishable emotionally."

"I would like a warm hound please ""Excuse me?"" A flaming puppy ""..."" Fire canine ""Do you want a hot dog, ma'am?"" Yes. A scorching pooch"

"Did you hear about the woman who used a fake name and married a renown psychologist? She committed Frued. Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all week."

"""Boob"" The word ""Boob"" is the Perfect word. The B looks like a top view of them, the 2 Os look like a front view, and the b looks like a side view. perfectly engineered!"

"Why is it not a good idea to send cats to Mars? Because Curiosity would kill them!"

"What car does Boba Fett drive? A ManDeLorean."

"What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you? Run! She has a grenade in her mouth!"

"I lied to my wife about what I was doing. I told her I was laminating copies of my newest novel. But that was only a cover for my story."