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Joke of the Day

"When I die, I'm donating my body to Simons. I tell this to every Simon I meet. So far, they're not into it"

"My friend went swimming in Egypt recently... I said to him 'you do realize your swimming in one of the longest rivers in the world!'. He didn't believe me though, he's in de nile."

"What's the difference between Santa Claus and Tiger Woods? Santa stops at three Ho's."

"""I remember one time I brought my report card home and said 'Hey Dad, I got a B in Reading!"" He just said ""That's a D, you idiot."""

"In first grade when I'd tell my parents what I learned in class and they'd act amazed, I'd think ""Shouldn't you know this shit already?"""

"Who is the new member of the X-MEN Caitlyn Jenner"

"What do you call the guy you buy your weed from? Your chron-tact."

"Do we really need cheese AND other kinds of food? Seems greedy."

"Guy cut me off & I shouted, ""you are unable to pleasure your wife. OR HUSBAND."" Cause he needs to know I'm angry, yet progressive."

"Goya tried to cover up a disaster at one of their factories Someone spilled the beans."