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Joke of the Day

"I bet that Heimlich was just a perv who molested people from behind, and one time accidentally saved someone from choking."

"What does it sound like when a pterodactyl uses the bathroom? Nothing, the pee is silent"

"A necklace and a little plane on it. The man was staring at the little plane on the woman's necklace The woman: Do you like the plane? The man: No! I like the airport."

"If future me us reading this some how, please reply ASAP Need help with my life"

"Difference What is the difference between an English Womans pussy and a bowling ball. If you TRY REALLY REALLY hard, you can eat a bowling ball."

"Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. ..."

"I don't normally cook. How much vodka do you add to the mashed potatoes?"

"It must be so good to speak signal language. You can talk with your mouth full"

"Today I learned that johann Sebastian Bach was a big time gambler... It got so bad that he went baroque. Sorry..."

"Last night I was laying in bed, looking at the stars... And then I wondered, Where the fuck did my roof go?"