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Joke of the Day

"The presidential race between Hillary and Trump reminds me of the first AVP movie. Whoever wins, we lose."

"How can Donald Trump avoid impeachment? By dropping out now."

"[interview at the Pringles factory] BOSS: why do you wanna work here? TENNIS BALL: {don't say to take back the tubes} uhh i love curvy chips"

"What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean? ...I've never had a garbanzo bean on my face"

"Accordion to a recent survey, replacing words with the names of musical instruments often goes undetected."

"""This is your captain speaking"" ""AND THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SHOUTING."""

"I'm participating in a 0.25K run to raise awareness for people with attention deficit disorder."

"Why did Hillary Clinton cross the road? (probably offensive) 9/11"

"I decided not to invest in that seafood processing plant... ...something smelled fishy."

"My father was a nun. Whenever he was up in court and the judge asked ""occupation"", he'd say ""none"". (From Blackadder Goes Forth, is this still eligible for /r/jokes?)"