67620

Joke of the Day

"congrats to those who made it onto my ""Not A Lizard"" spreadsheet in 2015. to the rest of u, better luck next year and/or die reptilian scum."

"Be original. Don't just walk up to a girl in a bar. Pay bouncers to clear a path & cartwheel up to her. If rejected casually cartwheel away."

"Just burnt my Hawaiian pizza... Guess I should've put it on aloha temperature."

"How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Tentacles."

"What's the most common question in a Gay Bar? Can i push in your stool?"

"What does the cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend Flush I heard this from my 11 year old cousin, the look on his mom's face after he told me this made my day."

"I asked my masseuse if it was unusual to get an erection during a massage... the masseuse replied, ""not at all it happens all the time."" So i said, ""well do you mind keeping it out of my face."""

"What did the black guy get on his SATs? Barbecue Sauce"

"Elderly woman ahead of me at Subway is paying for her lunch with nickels and now I don't even give a shit about health care reform."

"*slides $5 to the funeral director* Maybe you can get me the widow's phone number?"