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Joke of the Day

"It's 2011, microwaves should have one button that says Cook Shit."

"Next time you're on a date and someone asks ""Is that your boyfriend or your brother?"" smile really creepy and whisper ""Both""."

"Doesn't get paid: has popcorn and vodka martinis for dinner. Gets paid: has popcorn and raspberry vodka martinis for dinner."

"Black Jews Whats the worst part of being a black jew? You have to sit in the back of the oven"

"I'm not trying to be mean, but... I'm pretty average."

"Hot chick without makeup: her beauty is so effortless & carefree Me without makeup: why is that very sick grandma not in a home"

"Do NOT look under a teenage boy's bed, & never, EVER ask him why he & his friends are laughing. - two things I've learned the hard way"

"Why did the skunk buy four boxes of tissues? Because he had a stinking cold!"

"When I get home to find my wife naked in the tub, seductively asking me to ""warm her up"", I dont waste a second.. to throw in a hairdryer"

"When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85 That's why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship EDIT: Didn't excpect to get this many upvotes. Thanks!"