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Joke of the Day

"Doesn't get paid: has popcorn and vodka martinis for dinner. Gets paid: has popcorn and raspberry vodka martinis for dinner."

"Nothing like the dreaded ""Mom I missed the bus"" text to get you up and moving."

"What happened when Jesus 'screwed' around? He got *nailed*."

"What's my rating from 1 to 10 for Harry Potter? Nine and three quarters."

"Why did the man vomit after eating Middle Eastern food? It made his stomach falafel."

"the cvs cashier asked me how im doing as i put some diarrhea medicine on the counter. ""not great man ive got diarrhea"" i told him"

"There's an ISIS comedy night coming up... I would go but i'm fairly certain they're all going to bomb."

"It's funny how your tweets are funnier now that I know you're hot. -everyone on Twitter"

"A man walks into a brothel.. The attendant behind the desk says ""Beat it. We're closed""."

"Conjunctivitis.com that's a site for sore eyes"