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Joke of the Day

"Why did Adele crawl under the cow? ...to say hello from the udder side. I'll take my Oscar now."

"I was starving earlier so I opened up a beanbag chair. There were no beans, only styrofoam. Im furious, Im hungry and I have nowhere to sit."

"What does an aardvark keep in his aquarium? An aard-shark!"

"What do Pavlov's dogs call storefront bell-ringers? The Salivation Army."

"Life is like a box if chocholates. It's full of nuts and you only enjoy some of it."

"Why did the Red Hot Chili Peppers cross the road? Because they wanted to be taken to the other side."

"Say what you want about skiing... ..but the sports going downhill, Fast!"

"My deaf girlfriend just told me to fuck off. That's not a good sign."

"I tried to read a book about illiteracy once Couldn't understand any of it"

"Why did Helen Keller's dog kill itself? Wouldn't you if your name was Hhuuuurrrnnnnggg."