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Joke of the Day

"My deaf girlfriend just told me to fuck off. That's not a good sign."

"My doctor said no more drinking. so I froze my alcohol into cubes and ate them."

"I used to have a problem watching internet pornography... but then I upgraded from dial-up to a cable modem."

"I don't think I get enough credit in my family for making my siblings look successful."

"A guy once told me that his favorite pastime was calculating averages. I asked him, ""What do you mean?"""

"I grew up in a rough part of town... The local youths used to cover me in chocolate and cream, then put a cherry on my head. Life was tough in the gateau."

"How do Australians clean their ass after pooping? Bidet, mate!"

"I have a habit of 5 starring bad movies on amazon because if I wasted 90+ minutes on that crap, I want you to suffer too."

"Where does David Cameron keep his hidden money? In the Piggy bank"

"Build a man a fire, he remains warm for the day But set a man on fire, he is warm for the rest of his life"