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Joke of the Day

"Tip: When the cop asks you ""Do you know how fast you were going?"" do NOT respond with ""I know, right?!"""

"you think there'd be a word for 'sleeping bag' that isn't a placeholder description of what it is"

"I remember the last thing my nan said to me before she died. ""What are you doing in here with that hammer?"""

"Just been to Tesco and swapped 50 raisins for 100 sultanas Can't believe the currant exchange rate!"

"Fighting Fire with Fire Have you ever heard the phrase ""fight fire with fire""? Have you ever actually tried that? I have, you know what happens? You just get a much larger fire."

"Since it's the thought that counts I'll just keep on thinking about doing exercise."

"What do you call someone who gets high fast? A speed weeder."

"The Chinese New Year is almost here. I know they're in another time zone, but 2 months behind seems a little extreme."

"Why doesn't a chicken wear pants? Because his pecker is on his head"

"I watched Batman with a girl on our 9th date. It went ""dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner BATMAN!"""