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Joke of the Day

"I know it's not safe but our taxi driver keeps falling asleep at every light and it's getting hilarious"

"my friend's apartment building burned down so he's at his parents' and he still won't hang out with me. HOW MANY MORE FIRES DO I NEED TO SET"

"How are Oscar the Grouch and the Olympic Diving Pools in Rio de Janeiro similar? They're both green, smell like farts, and will stay that way for 47 years."

"One advantage The Monkees had over The Beatles was the opposable thumb"

"if you would've told me back in 1999 that we'd still be using animated gifs in 2015 I would've said ""wow what a boring conversation"""

"Why do Communists drink herbal tea? Because proper tea is theft."

"Why does Santa have an enormous sack? He only comes once a year."

"Which famous celebrity has had the most children over the last 20 years? Which famous celebrity has had the most children over the last 20 years? Michael Jackson"

"What's the lightest thing in the world? The penis, Because we can lift it with a thought."

"My boss asked me today which one of us was the stupid one. I told him everyone knows that you dont hire stupid people."