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Joke of the Day

"I know it's not safe but our taxi driver keeps falling asleep at every light and it's getting hilarious"

"Why do white girls hang out in odd numbers? They can't even."

"Religion is like a penis It's OK to be proud of yours, just don't try to shove it down your children's throat."

"Why is there no gang violence on the space station? Because it is a zero G environment."

"If there was a hero that saved people from awkward conversations, he'd be more popular than Superman."

"How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb? None - its a hardware problem"

"Friend zone?! I've been sister zoned! And if one more dude pats me on the head, I'm telling mom!!"

"Me: tries to sleep Brain: M: B: M: B: M: B: if one synchronized swimmer drowns do the others have to drown too?"

"Arrived home super drunk. Put the turkey in the oven and went up and banged my wife. Woke up next to the turkey. Afraid to check the oven."

"What did Obama say when he was alone? Obamaself"