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Joke of the Day

"Friend zone?! I've been sister zoned! And if one more dude pats me on the head, I'm telling mom!!"

"So this morning I bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day."

"Never trust anyone who says you need to come out of your shell because let's start with the fact that they think you're a turtle"

"What are the ten greatest years of a woman's life? The ones between 39 and 40."

"I'm going to have to rethink my time machine rental business. People keep bringing them back a day before they rented them."

"All I'm saying is no one ever country westerns you like a hurricane."

"Have you heard of Eats Unwanted Leftovers Man? He's the hero this city feeds"

"Did you hear about the guy who repeated a joke on /r/jokes? He insisted it wasn't a riposte."

"If I had a dollar for every gender I'd have $1.79."

"Why couldn't the accountant keep his car in working order? Because it broke down and he couldn't budget."