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Joke of the Day

"Today is the rest of the world's 9/11 No, seriously, look up the calendar."

"I hate it when homeless shake their cups with change in them I know you have more money than me, stop showing off."

"God doesn't close a door without opening a window. God's house must be drafty as fuck."

"Why do pedophiles love Old Navy sales? Cause all the kid's clothes are 60% off."

"Girl are you a plumber? Cause i wanna make you moen"

"[couples therapy] Mrs: he's too handsy, always touching me all over... Mr: [who is an octopus] I CANT HELP IT LINDA IM LIKE 90% HANDS..."

"Q: What do you say to a twenty ton dinosaur with headphones on? A: Anything you want. He can't hear you."

"What's the difference between an African elephant and an Indian elephant ? About 3000 miles !"

"How many people live in South America? A Brazillion"

"Me and my wife are getting a divorce so we are splitting the house ... She gets the inside. I get the outside."