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Joke of the Day

"Me and my wife are getting a divorce so we are splitting the house ... She gets the inside. I get the outside."

"Mike said he's breaking up w/ u cause you're not very smart & u have issues Me: OMG I DO NOT HAVE HIS SHOES WE DONT EVEN WEAR THE SAME SIZE"

"Which country's capital apologises for its religion? Islamabad."

"My wife tripped and dropped the basket of clothes she'd just ironed. It may sound far-fetched but it's true. I watched it all unfold."

"Some people are only alive in this world because I really don't want to be someone's b!tch in prison"

"I'm constantly amazed at how different my twin daughters are. Lisa is so much more positive & confident than her sister Hog Face."

"Bestiality is like prescription drugs... May cause internal bleeding, shortness of breath, abdominal pain, infection, diarrhea and in extreme cases, could be fatal."

"You know what celebrity they should get for Dancing With the Stars? That plastic bag from American Beauty."

"What's the difference between black people and cancer? Cancer can get Jobs."

"Why did the guy not draw a circle? Because there was no point."