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Joke of the Day

"Why did Sally fall off the Swing?? Because She had no arms...... Knock Knock Who's There?? Not Sally........"

"Me: *gets on scale* 5yo: Whoa! That's a lot of points!"

"TIL the american flag planted on the moon is now completely white due to radiation from the sun. Great, now future archeologists are gonna think the French got there first."

"So I woke up this morning to my dishwasher making a weird sound.. Turns out she was just vacuuming."

"CANADIAN: Let's watch a movie AMERICAN: Have you seen Titanic? CANADIAN: What's that about? AMERICAN: Yes, it was. A huge one that sank"

"A guy walked up to my bar. He said, ""Can I have a stiff drink?"" ""Of course,"" I replied, cracking some Viagra pills into his whiskey."

"What's the difference between a hockey player and my exgirlfriend? A hockey player will shower after 3 periods."

"I set my alarm in a way to try to trick morning-me into getting up earlier, but morning-me is a math wizard and cannot be fooled."

"My wife and I had a real Fairytale wedding. A wolf killed her grandma during the ceremony and then we ate stolen porridge from some bears."

"The theme song for my sex life is ""With or Without You."""