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Joke of the Day

"So I woke up this morning to my dishwasher making a weird sound.. Turns out she was just vacuuming."

"How to do math with sex. You add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and pray you don't multiply!"

"Why don't lamps talk? They're antisocial lights."

"I forgot where I threw my boomerang. Oh wait.. It's coming back to me now."

"Q: Why did the computer squeak? A: Someone stepped on the mouse."

"""I think we should start touching other people."" -Blind couple breaking up."

"Do you know how to convert a dishwasher into an automatic snowplow? Give that bitch a shovel. (I'm not really a sexist pig... But that's still one of my favorite jokes.)"

"Heard of The Gay Martini? they're pretty strong. You drink just one and you can't see straight."

"Q: Why do hens lay eggs? A: If they dropped them they'd break"

"I'm like an onion When I cut myself i cry"