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Joke of the Day

"I bought some Velcro shoes so that nobody can make fun of my velcro wallet anymore because now they will match"

"Guy across the road can't get his truck started. Now he's rolled up his sleeves. That's how you start trucks. By rolling up your sleeves."

"So if something's not ""unique"" then it's just ""ique,"" right?"

"I have a Polish friend who is roadie for a rock band I have a Czech one too. Czech one too. Czech one too."

"My iPhone auto-corrected ""wish you were here"" to ""wish you were beer"" and I sent it anyways."

"On the train... A girl sneezes. you: ""bless you."" she: ""sorry, i have a boyfriend."" voice from a few seats behind you: ""i'm a vegan."""

"Been coughing all day. Can't seem to stop. Guess I should go see a movie."

"There wasn't any toilet paper, so I had to use the weekly to wipe my buttocks. Sorry about the shitty news."

"How is the world like a bag of jellybeans? Nobody likes the black ones."

"The Greatest Joke of our generation #blacklivesmatter"