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Joke of the Day

"Hard to concentrate on work with Arbor Day so close."

"""Do you think I could sell this couch on Craigsface?"" --Grandma"

"My Life. It said ""Submit a Joke."""

"What did the doctor say to the cancer patient? You have tumor months to live."

"Why did the coke can throw itself off the building, and why did it become so famous? It was soda pressed"

"Height Of Facebook Influence Height of Facebook influence Doctor the patient: How you're feeling now? Patient: I'm feeling lonely with chill girl and 60 other persons"

"Me: *Rubbing Chin* Why am I always hungry 30 mins after I eat Chinese food? Chin: [pushing my hand away}I dunno man I just deliver the food."

"A woman in labor is in pain and screaming profanity at her husband from her hospital bed. He says, ""Hey, don't blame me! I wanted to stick it in your ass, but N-O-O-O-O, you said that might hurt!"""

"[planning heist] Me: We'll need the element of surprise. Neil deGrasse Tyson: [appears] Actually, such an element does not exist. Hi, I'm Ne"

"Socialism or Communism are the only path to evolution, and Capitalism is the root of all evil. > Sent from my iPhone 7"