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Joke of the Day

"What did the doctor say to the cancer patient? You have tumor months to live."

"What do you call a belt made of watches? A waist of time"

"Is it okay to kiss a nun? Sure, a long as you don't get in the habit."

"Mom: Did we pack everything? The stupid baby monitor? Dad: Ugh I hate that annoying dumb thing! Tiny Monitor Lizard: Ok wow I'm right here"

"What's the similarity between your zero-exercise lifestyle and a professional weight-lifter competing in the Olympics? They both involve muscles and they both result in a-trophy."

"I took the Quiz quiz and found out I am ""Which Game of Thrones character are you?"""

"'I like mouse but I couldn't eat a whole one' - Our sodding cat"

"A man is donating at his local sperm bank, right as he finishes the doctor walks in.... covers his eyes, and says dont worry I didnt see nuttin"

"Abraham Lincoln. The reason I now have to hire a dishwasher instead of buying one."

"I just realized I can make 50 funny faces at my boss in less than 30 seconds while the elevator door closes. Anyway, got fired."