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Joke of the Day

"Height Of Facebook Influence Height of Facebook influence Doctor the patient: How you're feeling now? Patient: I'm feeling lonely with chill girl and 60 other persons"

"The first 2 slices of pizza cure depression and the last 14 bring it right back."

"a nativity scene but with a giant burrito instead of a baby Jesus"

"People dating on the internet have it so easy. Back in my day, a man would walk uphill both ways in the snow to disappoint a woman."

"I can't sleep in my bed anymore, my mind races thinking of all the stupid stuff I've done in the past. Stupid memory foam..."

"911: what's your emergency? me: I taught my Dad how to text 911: the problem ma'am? me: he CALLS to say ""yeah, got ur text"""

"A groom stood naked in front of a mirror... and said "" 2 inches more, and I'd be a king!"" His bride saw her chance and replied "" 2 inches less, and you'd be a *queen*."""

"Pretty rude of you to have a crush on someone else when I've done absolutely nothing to show I'm attracted to you."

"Two Native Indians in a canoe and two Dutchman in a restaurant... Who tips first?"

"I reached my goal of shedding 137 pounds this week It's nice being single again"