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Joke of the Day

"Mommy mommy what happened to all your scabs ...[NSFL] Shut up and eat your corn flakes!"

"Why did all the sea monsters refer to the kraken as a whore when he died? Because he died choking on a bunch of seamen."

"You might want to read all of my tweets... so that when the movie comes out you can be all pompous and say the timeline was better."

"What do you get when you mix the Twelve Days of Christmas with Ninety-nine Bottles of beer on the wall? A year in prison if there's any justice."

"I'm not crying Those damn ninjas are cutting onions again"

"Every time I see a skidmark in my underwear... I'm confronted with the fact that I shit my pants JUST A LITTLE BIT every day."

"*A group of cannibals eating a pie* This is amazing, what did you do different? ""Well, I used fresh Barry's"""

"Rude limerick anyone? There was a man from Leeds who swallowed a packet of seeds. Great tufts of grass grew out of his arse, and his balls were infested with weeds."

"Let's hope God grades on a curve or I'm so screwed."

"How do you know if you have skin cancer? You die from skin cancer and come back as a ghost to study the autopsy report."