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Joke of the Day

"What do you get when you mix the Twelve Days of Christmas with Ninety-nine Bottles of beer on the wall? A year in prison if there's any justice."

"If Caitlyn Jenner was a super hero, what team would she be in? The X-Men"

"Dear Autocorrect, She's an amazing woman not an amazon woman. Thanks. And now I'm never getting laid."

"What did the green light say to the red light? I love you, but I'm sick of yellow light always breaking us up."

"TIL an African grey parrot, who lives an incredibly long life, can learn up to the vocabulary of an 8 year old. So when do you have the sex talk?"

"I ran over my cat with a lawnmower. I guess you could say I tore that pussy up."

"You know, you're not that bad looking -- for a fat-ass."

"The other night I had a dream I was being wanked off by a Ghost. I was scared stiff."

"I'm a bit racist. I think F1 is much better than NASCAR."

"My wife is getting rid of all the clutter. If you see the kids and me standing out by the street, it means we didn't make the cut this year."