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Joke of the Day

"Why did all the sea monsters refer to the kraken as a whore when he died? Because he died choking on a bunch of seamen."

"I like my coffee how I like my slaves Free"

"MY NANA WAS A FREAK IN THE SACK. Now granted, we didn't stuff her in that sack often, but boy would she freak out when we did."

"They should put barf bags in all the voting booths this year."

"When you're checking for murderers in your house, don't just yell out ""hello!"" that gives them the upper hand. Yell, ""YOU AINT SHIT!"""

"Ways to get ants out of your house: 1) Ant traps 2) Say you had a good time but it's late & you have work tomorrow 3) Set house on fire"

"I finally watched Bokeback Mountain... I learned that when two cowboys go up into the mountains, the sheep have nothing to worry about!"

"How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh? Tentickles"

"Mood ring I got my wife a mood ring. When she's in a good mood it turns a beautiful shade of blue. When she's in a bad mood it leaves an ugly red mark on my forehead."

"Good marriage requires communication: My wife tells me I'm wrong, and I tell her she's right."