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Joke of the Day
"I just ended a 5 year relationship I'm fine, it wasn't my relationship :P"
Next Joke
"What do you call a midget, that escaped prison, that is also a psychic? A small medium at large."
"What do you call a bad hairdresser who is also very expensive? A rip-off."
"[talking to family after emergency surgery] Your positive energy saved my life Surgeon: *waves hand* umm hello"
"Why do Americans write ""color"" instead of ""colour""? Because fuck ""u"", that's why."
"What's the difference between an airport shop and a golf course covered in bacon? One's a duty free, the others a Jew free tee."
"Have you heard that all the buses and trains are stopping today? No. Is there a strike? No they're stopping to let the passengers off."
"What do you call a bunch of blondes standing ear to ear? A wind tunnel. :D"
"I think I want a job cleaning mirrors... ...it's just something I can see myself doing."
"If I were Obama, I'd totally lead with ""My fellow Americans, the situation looks popeless."" #SOTU"