62097

Joke of the Day

"Im gonna tell my daughter to lay off the liquor, cause I love her! (...and I dont want her to mess up her kidneys before I need one)"

"Why did Jon Snow stand in line for 6 hours at the Apple Store? For the watch"

"yo mama so stupid she worked at an m&m factory and threw out all the W's."

"What stops rape every time? Consent."

"Marriage is like a hurricane... Starts with a bunch of sucking and blowing, and at the end you lose your house."

"What does the earth say to the moon during a solar eclipse? ""OOh, that's perfect right there. Just stay right there... Dude?..Alright, whatever... This side of the moons a dick."""

"10 years ago, my teenage daughter ran away from home. I bumped into her the other day and she said ""Dad, I have something to tell you. I'm a prostitute"". I always knew she would suck seed."

"How do you keep a blonde busy? Write ""Please turn over"" on both sides of a page and hand it to her."

"I want to die like dad peacefully in my sleep. Not like mom screaming in terror in the passenger seat."

"[interview] ""Where you see yourself in 5 years?"" Doing your job. ""And me?"" Jobless and upset about the divorce ""OMG"" *runs out crying*"