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Joke of the Day

"People named Thomas, your nickname isn't ""Thom"" it's Tom. ""Thom"" thounds sthupid and prethenthiuos."

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"What do you call people who teach their kids to use abstinence as birth control? Grandparents."
"My girlfriend keeps saying that it's not working out. I said, ""well, you haven't gone to the gym for a while, have you?"""
"children are cool because they're the perfect height for me to fart directly into their mouths without having to really exert myself"
"I got a job digging graves, I don't know how, I just fell into it."
"Why does Donald Trump take anti-anxiety medication? To prevent Hispanic attacks."
"What is Harry Potter's favorite way to get down a hill? Running. Jk. Rolling."
"Some (Hopefully OC) poem I thought of while lounging around. There once was a man named Larry Whose stomach detested dairy He had ice cream Harmless it seemed But next afternoon he was buried"
"How much does a slave cost? I have no idea, I just know they aren't free"
"Nothing makes me more suspicious than an unsolicited compliment."