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Joke of the Day

"People named Thomas, your nickname isn't ""Thom"" it's Tom. ""Thom"" thounds sthupid and prethenthiuos."

"What do you call people who teach their kids to use abstinence as birth control? Grandparents."

"My girlfriend keeps saying that it's not working out. I said, ""well, you haven't gone to the gym for a while, have you?"""

"children are cool because they're the perfect height for me to fart directly into their mouths without having to really exert myself"

"I got a job digging graves, I don't know how, I just fell into it."

"Why does Donald Trump take anti-anxiety medication? To prevent Hispanic attacks."

"What is Harry Potter's favorite way to get down a hill? Running. Jk. Rolling."

"Some (Hopefully OC) poem I thought of while lounging around. There once was a man named Larry Whose stomach detested dairy He had ice cream Harmless it seemed But next afternoon he was buried"

"How much does a slave cost? I have no idea, I just know they aren't free"

"Nothing makes me more suspicious than an unsolicited compliment."