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Joke of the Day

"How do you make a hormone? You pay her. (This was told at my pharmacy school. We laughed and then felt shame afterwards.)"

"Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?"

"6'5"" guy: [starts a fight with me at the bar] me: [hides behind GF] GF: HEY, WHAT THE F- me: look, we need more strong female lead char-"

"Accidentally picked out soothing paint colors and now my panic room is ruined."

"What do you call the ticket to get into a giant space station shaped like a vagina? A cunt-astro-fee!"

"Facebook post: Sad news. Mom passed away this morning. Facebook: Be the first person to like this."

"Why is divorce so expensive? Because it is worth it.."

"If you watch The Blindside backwards, Sandra Bullock becomes so disappointed in her black son that she abandons him on the side of the road."

"Everyone saying ""Poor Steve Nash, he got hurt again"". POOR? That boy making $9,701,000 this year. If he poor, then I'm skinny."

"Laughing at your mistakes can lengthen your life. Laughing at your wife's can shorten it."