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Joke of the Day

"The cops showed up earlier saying my dog was chasing some kid on a bike.. I was like that's ridiculous, my dog can't ride a bike"

"Why didn't Wile E. Coyote just spend all that Acme money to buy an actual dinner?"

"When I was a kid, I had an imaginary friend who ditched me for his own imaginary friend."

"Why can't pencils have babies? Because they have rubbers on their end."

"Where do you get a dog license? At the DMV (Department of Mutt Verification)"

"If Bernie Sanders has more delegates but still gets denied by the DNC... ...that would be unpresidented."

"The Suicide Bomber Teacher said to his student... ""Come here and listen closely, I'm only gonna show you this once""..."

"So I've always wanted to try the homosexual thing... ... but I get claustrophobic in tight spaces."

"If your building doesn't have an elevator and you don't live on the first floor, we can't date. I'm looking for a relationship, not a gym."

"Why didn't Hitler cross the road? Because he could nazi anything"