59956

Joke of the Day

"I have a lot of jokes about the unemployed. But none of them works."

"How many male chauvinists does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. Let the bitch wash the dishes in the dark."

"If I were a millionaire, I'd probably sign up Angelina Jolie and Gwyneth Paltrow for a movie called, 'Salt' & 'Pepper'."

"I'm holding a latte and a scone while I break into this Audi so people think it's mine and I've locked my keys in it."

"My doctor says I need to avoid trans fats I'm really going to miss Tumblr"

"My girlfriend said she was leaving because of my obsession with The Monkees, i thought she was joking.. ..and then i saw her face."

"What do you call a badly cooked beef? A misteak."

"Despite my rock and roll lifestyle, I'm pretty sure I'm going to die via punctured gums from a tortilla chip."

"What worse than finding out your wife has cancer? Finding out it is curable."

"Why is Robert Pattison so pale? There's no sunlight in the closet."