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Joke of the Day
"What does a carpet salesman give his wife for Valentine's Day? Rugs and kisses!"
Next Joke
"me: annie are you ok so annie are you ok are you ok annie (X5) girl [wearing name tag that says annie]: sir will it be paper or plastic"
"What did one unemployed cancer cell say to the other unemployed cancer cell? Let's get Jobs. Found in the comments of a /r/til post by /u/laurelwraith"
"[at restaurant trying not to let anyone know I'm a koala] Waiter: ""what can I get u?"" ""do u have any eucalyptus?"" *restaurant goes quiet*"
"What did the man say to his wife when he failed to get an erection? No hard feelings."
"For people who say bernie sanders and is socialist ideals is going to revive the red scare... Actually we're blue... (Go bernie!)"
"What do you call a rapper who can only jerk off when he has like a TON of lube? Wetty Fap"
"*goes to bathroom *takes out phone *opens Twitter *finishes *pulls pants up *flushes *forgets to poop"
"I saw my brothers mate yesterday... I said, ""You shouldn't be doing that, you're brothers!"""
"How come the giant Ape climbed up the side of the skyscraper? The elevator was broken!"