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Joke of the Day

"*goes to bathroom *takes out phone *opens Twitter *finishes *pulls pants up *flushes *forgets to poop"

"[NSFW] Bill Cosby at a bar When you add rookies to a cosmopolitan it becomes a cosbypolitan"

"Patient: Doc what should I do with all the gold and silver in my mouth? Dentist: Don't smile in a bad neighborhood."

"The only thing I want written on my tombstone is ""I'm standing right behind you."""

"The power of art = theory. The power of power = praxis. The the of the = philosophy."

"""I love accounting!"" -Italian guy who loves to count."

"""Just do it!"" Why Nike reps don't man the suicide hotlines."

"A Roman walks into a bar... He holds up two fingers and says ""I'll have five beers"". (Not mine)"

"Ole! What does a fat white chick and a cinder block have in common???Both will eventually get laid by a Mexican!!!"