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Joke of the Day

"I was really hesitant about this new haircut at first.... ...but I'm starting to like it you know. It's really growing on me. Sorry I'll leave now."

"I'm holding a charity night for people that can't reach orgasm. If you can't come let me know."

"My wife treats me like a God Every evening at dinner I get a burnt offering."

"You've really gotta hand it to short people Because they usually can't reach it anyways"

"There was no Mrs. Noah & the ark was lonely, thus explaining the evolutionary mishaps you'll find at Walmart."

"[speed dating] DATE: ding ME: did u just make the ding sound with ur mouth DATE: no ME: we have 4 minutes left DATE: *louder this time* ding"

"What is a goat herder known as in the Middle East? A Pimp"

"What happened to the gun that kept randomly shooting? He got fired."

"Don't believe people who say they are constipated. They're full of shit."

"Doctor told me I only have 6 months to live, maybe 12 if I get enough likes on Facebook."