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Joke of the Day
"I watch too much Asian porn... I accidentally learned to speak Korean."
Next Joke
"Have you heard the latest Unitarian Universalist miracle? Someone saw the face of Ralph Waldo Emerson on a tortilla."
"""You like mayonnaise? Prove it."" - Costco"
"""500 Days of Summer"" was pretty good for a movie I was expecting to be about global warming."
"What do you call jeans that haven't been worn before? Vir-jeans"
"Why can't your nose be twelve inches long? Because then it'd be a foot"
"why did the tomato cross the road? to become ketchup"
"my mom should have been on one of the planes that crashed on 911 ... I think -Anthony Jeselnik"
"""Can I pet your dog?"" ""Sure, but he can be aggressive."" [He pushes a pamphlet about the dangers of gluten towards me with his nose]"
"My psychiatrist says we need to work on my intimacy issues but then he's always the one who refuses to snuggle with me on his couch."